Thank you all for the response about last blog post. Frankly I did not expect the responses I got.. I thank you for that.
Right now me and my husband are staying in North America but in two different countries. He is soon going to join me in Canada.. We are now just like a couple before wedding. Except it is hard to be apart after 7 years of togetherness. It is like chilli jam.. Ever tasted that? It is hot and spicy and sweet at the same time. I know my elders are also going to read this blog post, but I am describing the relationship as hot and not hot relationship. 😉
I mean we talk late at nights and early mornings, we discuss what happened in our individual lives, we laugh at our goof ups and we cry too. We tell each other that how much we miss each other and how much we love each other and how our lives are going to be great together. It may sound like too cheesy for you guys. “Like you guys are in your 30’s and married for 7 years and how can you be soooooo romantic that you are still talking about your love for each other? ” or ” How is it even possible to be in same level of love as when you got married or more?” Or let me ask myself ” Deepti , did you drink any love potion to fall in love with the man again and again? That every day you just thank God to be in a loving relationship with your husband?” Don’t get me wrong, we do fight and at that time we are glad that we are in two different countries.But the rage is just temporary.
When I had a class on 16th February this year , while coming back from school, my friend asked me about what did I do for my valentines day..I said “nothing, we talked as usual”. She felt bad for me. I said – “Don’t feel bad for me. Because for me everyday is so special to talk to my husband..” She was in awe.
So coming back to the point “What is it that we both are doing to be in so much love with each other?” Don’t I see his flaws? Doesn’t he see my flaws after living together for 7 years? Don’t we get irritated with each other? If I say “NO” I am lying. Yes specially being a woman in reproductive age where estrogen is dominant and undergo so many fluctuations. It is harder not to notice the flaws. First few days it is so romantic “What have I done to have you in my life ❤ ❤ ? “And next 15 days angrily – “WHAT HAVE I DONE TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE?” It might be funny to read, but not funny when you are going through it.
My husband Sree and I are a part of group which helps in developing wealth in terms of health, mindset and finances. We have coach and we have associations. We get books to read. Few of them are relationship books. Few books we read are- 1. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus . 2. Five love languages. 3. Crucial Conversations 4. Secret. 5. Magic. 6. Skill with People. It’s not just me or Sree but we both read it and go through them. It’s necessary to know about conveying the right message without offending the person you are giving message to. You can not say my intentions are right but he/she did not get it or whatever he/she gets from what I said is not my problem, I told just the way I tell always. I tried that. – ” How many times have I told you to do this? I told you do this job but guess what I am doing it myself thanks to you.” What did I do?- I blamed Sree , I told him that you are not useful and that I am self-sufficient to do it and I was doing a favor on him by asking him to do that for me. Do you think he would do again something for me? If you said Yes, you are in bubble my dear..
After reading books that I mentioned, I realized my mistake. I started saying ” I know you get tired after work, however can you please do me a favor and do this for me? I have this deadline to meet and it would be really helpful if you could please do this for me? – What did I do in this case? I acknowledged that he is working for us, I requested and told the situation and was polite. I made him realize that I still need him too, right?
Also when we talk, we discuss about what our future looks like together. We have a goal that we want to achieve together and there are multiple goals that we are going to achieve separately. I am not a TV person,not a movie lover, I love to do something like DIY, sing songs and learn new language and Sree is a TV guy. I would tell Sree early “there is nothing in common between us. How are we going to live together forever?” He said “do not worry. You have your dreams and I will help you in achieving them and I have my dreams in which I need your help in achieving them”. He had already read those books before me so he was applying the principles. However I took time to read them and apply. We do have our own times when he wants to go in Cave and there are times when my wave needs to crash( Ref – Men are from Mars and women from Venus). When you realize that, you start appreciating the partner and their work, & their love for you.
My cousin, I had told her to read these books, I do not remember when. She had told me that she appreciated these books and because of them she can understand her relationship with her husband better. And she had requested to write about these books in my blog post. I took long time to act on her suggestion, but here it is.
I hope and pray and put magic dust( Ref- Magic by Rhonda Byrne) on people reading this “May your relationship be as beautiful as I have got and may you and your partner speak each others love language ( Ref- Five Love Languages) and live happily ever after.”